Nursing that is. It's over. I realized a few days ago that Bjørn hadn't nursed in a while. Days actually. He just stopped, and... I didn't even notice! On the one hand, I was relieved. This was something I wanted, you know, something I had initiated myself. But on the other hand, I was broken. I had missed the ending of this special bond with my son, and it broke my heart. One of my favorite parts of being a mom so far was over, and... I didn't even realize it.
So, I decided I needed to create my own last time, so that I could enjoy each moment of my son's sweet breath, his cuddles, and his need for only me. I offered, one last time, and he was happy to accept. We cuddled and he nursed, and I stared into his eyes and savored his perfect fit until he wouldn't sit still one more minute. I really didn't want this to end. Yet, I did. Such an odd feeling of relief and misery. Black and white at the same time. Happy and sad.
Ultimately I am so grateful for this journey that we have taken. I have loved every minute of it. Every pain, every inconvenience, every discomfort... every experience of joy and satisfaction and of what being truly needed feels like. I have loved it all. And as happy as I am to be done, for now... I am already so excited for this relationship to begin again with baby #2 this fall!!
