If only we had a smaller house, my husband wouldn't have to work so hard and I wouldn't have to feel guilty for staying home and raising my babies. If only we had more time together, we would all be happier. If only I had family nearby, I wouldn't be so lonely all the time. If only I felt as connected to my church here as I still do to my 'old' church, I would be more content. If only there were more things to do in this small town, we wouldn't be so stir-crazy all the time.
And then there are my own personal 'if only' struggles. If only I wasn't so stubborn, life would have much fewer arguments. If only I was better at budgeting and making money in creative ways, I wouldn't make my husband's life so difficult. If only I felt more connected to this house, I would be motivated to keep it spotless at all times. If only I wasn't so tired all the time, I would be able to get so much more done. If only I didn't spend so much time pondering life's 'if only's', I would be so much happier.
Well that last 'if only' is the one that finally pushed me over the edge. Why shouldn't I be happy? Why should I spend so many of life's fleeting moments focusing on the 'if only's'? My life is what it is. And it's a beautiful, loving, happy life. I don't need anything more or anything different, all I need is to learn how find joy and contentment in today.
I have a beautiful family who bring so much joy and happiness to my heart. I have a loving husband, who cares so much and would do anything for this family. I have an amazing extended family who loves us and enjoys being a part of our lives. I have a beautiful house that my husband built with his own two hands, and I am so proud of him for that. He poured his tears, sweat, and love into every inch of this house and we are so blessed to be here, even if it feels overwhelming at times. I have a husband who is willing to support my desire to stay at home with our kids, even though he doesn't really understand it. We have food on the table, and clothes on our backs. We are blessed!
