the hardest part...

so far has been how unable I currently am to take care of my firstborn on my own.

I can't pick him up and cuddle him... or rock him to sleep... or take his hand and go with him when he wants me... and it absolutely breaks my heart.

I miss him so much, even though he is right here in the room with me.  I want nothing more right now than to hold him and rock him until he has had his fill of mommy-time...  and until I have had my fill of Bjørn time!

In some ways I feel like my body has betrayed me...  It has carried me through one of the most difficult and empowering experiences of my life, and then decided it needs it's own time to heal and regenerate.

And yes, of course my body deserves that time...  has earned that time... but my heart doesn't agree.

My heart believes the race was finished when my sweet baby was born, but unfortunately that's not true.

Yes, we did technically finish the race and we are holding the prize in our arms... but there are still several laps of cooling down and restoration left to go, and my heart just wants to be done!!

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