living with colic silent reflux

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I think I just had the most painful and emotional discovery, so far, of my son's short little life.  I have been doing lots of research lately and it seems to me that Bjorn may not actually have colic, but rather Silent Reflux.  His doctor's appointment is in two days, see *update!

Silent Reflux is a form of acid reflux that is very easily missed and often not so easy to diagnose.  Basically it is acid reflux that the baby usually 'catches' before it becomes spit-up and swallows back down.  Sounds like a good thing, right?  For me at least?  Not so many clothes to wash, etc?  Well it's horribly painful for him, and does twice as much damage to his esophagus as regular acid reflux because, in essence, he is having to suffer through the pain of acid burning his esophagus twice as often.  As it comes up, and again as it goes back down.  

If this is what he has it explains a lot of his behaviors and also breaks my heart completely.  You see, Silent Reflux is often misdiagnosed as colic.  The biggest difference between the two is that colic is generally assumed to be not-painful for the baby, just uncomfortable, and is something that most babies grow out of 'over-night' usually at around 12 weeks.  Silent Reflux, on the other hand, is very painful and if we're lucky, he may grow out of it by about 1 year old.

My mother's intuition has been telling me all along that he has been in very real pain...  not just colicky discomfort.  But listening to everyone else and not having anything else to go off of, I kept telling myself it was just colic and (as "they" say) it was more miserable for me than him, and he would grow out of it...  hopefully around the 4th of July (his 12 week birthday!).  

But even though I kept telling myself that, over and over again, I never really believed it.  My heart kept telling me that there was more to his fussiness than that.  Which explains why I have been unable to put him down, holding him practically all day long every day, only putting him down to sleep at night (which, thankfully, he does pretty well!).  I just couldn't put him down and see his pain.  The looks he gave me screamed "mom! why can't you just hold me and let me nurse!  I don't know what's wrong with me either, but I do know that's all that helps me feel a little bit better!"

Those looks absolutely break my heart.  They are so very real, and knowing and full of big huge instant tears.  Not the same as other looks and tears of "I'm impatient" or "I'm bored" or "I'm a little uncomfortable".  These are looks of "I'M IN PAIN!  HELP ME MOMMY!".  Ugh.  I can't stand those looks.  They hurt so bad.

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*update

We just got back from Bjorn's doctor's appointment.  Dr. Rose confirmed my diagnosis...  he has Silent Reflux.  Now the fun part begins...  the medications!  We are starting with Baby Zantac - 0.7ml twice a day.  We will give that 2 weeks, and if it doesn't work, we will try something new.  Although I am so glad there are options, I am praying with all my heart that this first try works and my sweet boy can start feeling better!

On a more positive note, here are his current stats:

(at 9 1/2 weeks old!)

Weight: 10lbs 12oz - 25th percentile

Height: 24 1/2 inches - 80th percentile

Head: 39.4 cm - 30th percentile

The bottom line?  (In the doctor's words) We have "a long and lean boy with a perfectly average head!"  :o)

Anyways, we'll keep you posted on Bjorn's progress.  And we would really appreciate your prayers that this medicine works!