living with colic

My dear sweet baby Bjorn,

Life is so hard right now.  For both of us.  Sometimes it seems like every hour of the day has one or the other of us in tears!  You see, you have colic.  Not that you can understand that, or that you even care what we're calling your misery.  Really I guess "colic" is just our way of saying we really don't know what's wrong with you, but that you will get over this...  eventually.

In the meantime we struggle through each day, you and I.  Fortunately you do sleep well at night...  swaddled tightly in your miracle blanket with your favorite CD playing.  But every morning our struggle begins...  starting out manageable, and getting worse as the day goes on.

When you wake up around 4 after your 6 or 7 hours of sleep, you are starving and still so tired.  The only way to keep you calm is to feed you and then let you snuggle with me and snack for a few hours as you very slowly wake up.  If I feed you and try to put you back in your crib, you end up screaming within an hour!  So I try to appreciate the 5 or 6 hours of sleep I just had, and focus on enjoying your sweet cuddles, and occasional morning smiles.

After a while, we wake up daddy so you can hang out with him and have some guy-time while I have a little break and take a shower!  He loves to snuggle with you, sing to you and talk to you.  And you love to play the "I'm Not Looking At You" game with him!  It makes you both smile (yours is more of a smirk actually - like you know you're winning!).  On a good day, he can keep you happy for almost an hour before you remember your colicky misery and cry for your mommy!

Refreshed and sometimes even coffee-d, I get ready for another snugglesnack session with you... short and sweet on the days we have to go in to work and long and relaxed on the days we get to stay home.  This time of the day is your best time.  I love late mornings with you!

Then the day starts to get harder.  Usually I'm feeling pretty good about you and your colicky-ness at this time of the day, so we try to do something - like go to Starbucks the grocery store - which always ends badly!  You'd  think I would learn my lesson, wouldn't you?  But I crave the normalcy of an outing... even if it is painful and exhausting for both of  us!

When we make it home you almost always end up in your Moby, snuggled tightly to me, no matter how hot it is outside and how sweaty we will end up together!  It calms you down, and being drenched in sweat is a small price to pay for the look of almostcontentment on your face.  If only it was fall or winter right now, we could be more comfortable together!  But we all know that if only's are a waste of time.

The best days are when daddy comes home early enough and gets to spend time with you before you go to bed.  Lately, daddy has been wearing you in the Baby Bjorn and we  have all been going on a nice long walk.  You sleep a little, and we stay out until you are so hungry youcan't stand it anymore!  :o)  (You are a very impatient little man!)   The rest of the evening is spent fussing and crying (you) and eating and crying (me) and fussing and eating, until you are full enough and sleepy enough to be put to bed for the night.

After your last diaper change of the day, I swaddle you very tightly in your Miracle Blanket, put on your favorite CD, and snugglesnack with you one last time in the darkness of your room before laying you down in your crib and tiptoeing out of the room - all the while praying that 'tonight would be a good night'.

And so the cycle continues.

I love you, my sweet, sad, colicky boy.  You are an amazing blessing and the best thing that has ever happened to me, second only to marrying your dad!  I can't wait to see who you become as you grow up!  

Hugs and prayers and so much love, 


Kelcie said...

I definitely cried reading that. You are one amazing Mother Annalise. I am so proud of you.

Maj said...

Wow..I must say, you amaze me.. I don't think I would still be sane after just one day of your present life. By the way - have you tried acupuncture??? (not sure how you spell it, in Norway we say akupunktur) Here in Norway we use it for babies with colick. I heard it's because all the pressure that occurs when the uterus is pushing the baby out, a nerve or something is hurting. I don't know exactly how to express my self in english, since these terms are somewhat unknown to me.. But try it. My neighbour (who is a midwife by the way) did it with her firstborn, and the difference was like night and day..

Hugs from Maj

amy + ryan said...

Oh, Annalise, what a sweet thing to have written down! It will get better. And I'm glad you have at least moments in your day where you can feel more positive about things. Bjorn is so blessed to have you for a mommy. And soon you will have much more normalcy. Soon you will have routine that includes much less crying.

And in the end, it will all be worth it. I know you know that, because I know you feel that now, even when you're both miserable. For now, cry when you need to. Keep letting daddy step in and take care of you both. Eat what makes you happy. Hold your sweet boy as much as you want. I'm SO GLAD he's giving you a few hours at night!

Thinking of you, friend, and praying for you. And, though it sounds odd, I'm proud of you for how you're caring for baby Bjorn!


p.s. Although, personally, I think acupuncture sounds a bit creepy (needles - eek), I think Maj makes an excellent point. (Also, I have no idea what she means about not being able to express herself very well in English; I swear she's better at that than I am!) Don't be afraid to think outside the box, do some research during a snugglesnack session, get ideas. Maybe acupuncture would work? I also have heard miracle stories of very colicky babies visiting a chiropractor, with much the same reasons and results as Maj's friend.

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