sweet baby boy,

You are still so sad...  and in so much pain.  We keep waiting for some relief, and every day ends with the frustration of pain that is not going away.  We are halfway through this trial of medicine number one - baby Zantac.  So far - no relief!  But the doctor says it can sometimes take 2 weeks before the medicine shows any results.  And we can't try something new until those 2 weeks are up.  So, we wait...  ohnot-so-patiently.

How can we really be patient, when for you patience equals pain?  You are so miserable.  Screaming in pain at times, and just staring at the world with your big, sad eyes the rest of the time.  Your eyes are so expressive.  You can't say a word yet, but your eyes say so much!

Even now, as I sit here typing this - with one hand, I am holding you and watching the pain flit across your face while you sleep.  It seems you really find no escape, even in your dreams!

Now don't get me wrong, you do have good moments scattered throughout your day.  But they are just that... moments.  Brief glimpses of the happy little boy being trapped inside by your pain.

I love those moments.  I live for those moments!  When you smile, you melt our hearts.  You're such a charmer, and you have such a beautiful smile!  All squinty-eyed with a dimple in your right cheek.  I love that dimple!  I love YOU!

Your happiest times are early in the morning.  After your  firstbreakfast at around 4:30 every morning, while we're cuddling and deciding if you're still sleepy, you smile at me like I'm your best friend in the whole world and you haven't seen me in weeks.  I love those smiles!

Someday we will be able to show everyone your wonderful smile, but for now we just try to enjoy them when they come.  You smile so rarely, and by the time we run and grab a camera, the moment has usually passed... as you again remember your pain.  I am trying to focus on just enjoying those smiles, instead of trying so hard to share them with the world!

One more week to go, sweet boy.  Then we hopefully see some relief, or at least are able to move on to medicine trial number 2.  For now we keep on waiting.  And we hug and cuddle you as much as we can, so you at least know that we wish we could help you...  and so you know how much we love you.
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