what you may not see...

I am not perfect.  I am far from it.  Just about as far as a person can get, in fact!

Yes, I may bake pretty desserts and fancy from-scratch meals for my family.  And even somehow find the time to take pictures and share them with you.

But you know what?  The other half of the time, we eat cup-o-noodles or grilled cheese for dinner, and that's as good as it gets.

Sometimes a week consists of hot dogs and quesadillas and that fancy mac & cheese in the blue box.  And sometimes the best I can do is instant oatmeal and cold cereal.

But you know what else?  That's ok!  It's all ok, in fact.  My kids will survive, and thrive even... and we will all be ok.

Someday I will have time to cook healthy fancy love-seasoned meals at every turn, but right now, right now, I pour my heart and soul and tears into that mac & cheese and I pray that my kids would thrive in spite of it's processed neon-orange powder.

Yes, I strive for that unattainable 'perfection', because God asks us too.

But He also knows we will never make it on our own and that's all part of His plan.  If I was perfect, what would I need Him for?  Really!

But oh how I need Him.  Desperately.  As sure as I need water and rest and sunshine to survive...  I need Him.

Somedays I can't see past the mountains of laundry and the never ending "I'm hungry!"s and I start to drown in the mundane.

But He is always there.   Sometimes at that last breath, but always there.  Reaching out, holding me, and showing me His glory and His love.

Through the soft, sweet breath of my tiny baby daughter on my neck, He shows me.

Through the sloppy, sticky kisses of my 3 year old...  Who never tires of saying "I love you too, Mommy", for the hundredth time each day...  He shows me.

And even through the stubbornness and frustration of my willful 2 year old, He shows me.

Because in my pain and frustration with my son, I am often reminded that sometimes, ok most of the time even, I am that same stubborn 2 year old to My Father.

I don't listen well.  Certainly not the first time around.  I am rarely satisfied with what I have in the moment, and always seem to be asking for more.  I need constant supervision, and I always want to "do it myself"!

I sure am glad He has more patience than I do.

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