the short straw

Sometimes I feel like we drew the short straw when it comes to Bjørn's health.  Now, don't get me wrong...  I love my son more than I could have ever imagined and would never trade him, or anything about him, for the world!  But that doesn't mean that I don't wish life was different for him sometimes.

And here's why:  This little boy is sick.  Again.  (yep, that's right...  again!)
I noticed Sunday night that he was very warm, but I didn't want to make him more miserable than he already was, so I didn't take his temperature...  just gave him some Motrin (which didn't work) and cuddled him to sleep (over and over... and over again).

Monday afternoon he was still feeling super hot (and shaky, and fussy, and not eating, and lethargic, and...) and so I finally remembered to take his temp (I know, mom-of-the-year award, right?!) and it was 103.3 underarm (which is something like 104.3 in reality)!

I called his doc and she fit him in for a last minute appointment...  because he's been sick so often lately, and because we are going on a trip next week.   She examined him and quickly discovered that he has a tonsil infection (tonsillitis).

Now, I know this is not such a big deal in the grand scheme of things.  I mean, things could have been much, much worse for us!  (And I'm sure some of you reading this are thinking "stop whining...  you don't even know how good you have it!")  Trust me, I do know that things could be so much worse!  But for us, this seemingly never-ending cycle of minor-illnesses is exhausting and heart-breaking.

In the last few months, Bjørn has had croup, an ear infection, multiple colds, continuing silent reflux troubles, anemia and now this... tonsillitis.   It seems like he is rarely healthy, happy and whole.  And it's so painful to see my baby so miserable!  I am his mama!  I am supposed to be able to make him feel better!!

Wait, what??  I am supposed to be able to make him feel better? Why is it that my heart tells me that, when I know that it is not me who can make him better, but Him?  All I can do is love him, and cuddle him, and take care of his symptoms.  But I cannot heal him.  I cannot protect him from all the little miseries life has to offer!

So, I will keep on doing what I'm doing.  I will love him, and pray for him, and cuddle him, and be there for him when he needs me.  And I will trust that He Who Is In Control will comfort our hearts and protect our baby!
And we will focus on enjoying the one bright spot in the midst of all the darkness...  all the snuggles!
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