And here's why: This little boy is sick. Again. (yep, that's right... again!)
Monday afternoon he was still feeling super hot (and shaky, and fussy, and not eating, and lethargic, and...) and so I finally remembered to take his temp (I know, mom-of-the-year award, right?!) and it was 103.3 underarm (which is something like 104.3 in reality)!
I called his doc and she fit him in for a last minute appointment... because he's been sick so often lately, and because we are going on a trip next week. She examined him and quickly discovered that he has a tonsil infection (tonsillitis).
Now, I know this is not such a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I mean, things could have been much, much worse for us! (And I'm sure some of you reading this are thinking "stop whining... you don't even know how good you have it!") Trust me, I do know that things could be so much worse! But for us, this seemingly never-ending cycle of minor-illnesses is exhausting and heart-breaking.
In the last few months, Bjørn has had croup, an ear infection, multiple colds, continuing silent reflux troubles, anemia and now this... tonsillitis. It seems like he is rarely healthy, happy and whole. And it's so painful to see my baby so miserable! I am his mama! I am supposed to be able to make him feel better!!
Wait, what?? I am supposed to be able to make him feel better? Why is it that my heart tells me that, when I know that it is not me who can make him better, but Him? All I can do is love him, and cuddle him, and take care of his symptoms. But I cannot heal him. I cannot protect him from all the little miseries life has to offer!
So, I will keep on doing what I'm doing. I will love him, and pray for him, and cuddle him, and be there for him when he needs me. And I will trust that He Who Is In Control will comfort our hearts and protect our baby!
