croup... and mom guilt.

We have a very sick little boy right now.  After a horrible night of not being able to breathe well, and being inconsolable... I took Bjorn to the doctor and found out that he has an ear infection and croup.
He's such a miserable little guy right now...  his bath is one of the few things that helps him feel a little bit better!
He was fine on Tuesday...  he just seemed to have a little cold.  That night, we put him to bed as usual and about an hour later he woke up coughing and gasping for breath so badly that we first thought he had aspirated his vomit!  It took about an hour just to get him to calm down enough to get a decent breath... and the rest of the night went downhill from there.

He couldn't catch his breath.  He couldn't swallow.  He didn't want to be held.  He didn't want to be put down.  He couldn't lay down.  He couldn't sit up on his own.  He couldn't sleep...

After the fact, I realize that we should have taken him to the ER that night, right away.  At one point he couldn't even swallow his own saliva, and drool was pouring out of his mouth like water.  We questioned it all night long, and were just about to get up and go when he finally calmed down enough to sleep a few hours.  The worst had passed apparently...

We were lucky.  Things could have gone much worse for him, and I feel horrible that we didn't just take him to the ER when that thought first crossed our minds!

Why didn't we??  Well, because 9 out of 10 times, it seems, when you do rush your little one to the ER or the doctor, they tell you that they're just fine, and there's really nothing they can do.  And I hate that feeling of being treated like an over-protective worry-wart!

So, I guess you could say it was my own pride that kept me from taking him in?  Is that what we've learned from this experience??

I hate that I didn't just listen to my gut and take him in.  Maybe he would have found relief much sooner. Maybe his little body wouldn't have exhausted itself to the point of collapse.  Maybe he wouldn't be so sick today, if we had gotten him relief sooner that night.

I know there's nothing I can do to go back and change the past, but I will learn from this and look toward the future.

I will no longer ignore my mom-instincts and let them be drowned out by the voices of others.  I will take care of my child, whatever it takes, and I will make sure he gets the best care possible.  I will not care what others think of me...  only what he thinks of me, and ultimately what He thinks of me!
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